Wednesday, 6 July 2016

Prophetic Ramblings Chapter XIV: Festival of Cleansing followed by Feasting

And thereupon it came to pass, on the Fourteenth Day of Za'karah, that The #Messenger (blessings!) and his tribe, whom he had led away from the cursed land of B'azilah, were resting in the mountains of Zo'am where they had taken up residence. And Za'kilah, fifth wife of The #Messenger (blessings!), saw that the toilet bowls were filthy, having been shat upon by her fifteen children, but the toilet brush and broom were nowhere to be found.

"And how, in the name of the Great Rickrack Rock, am I supposed to clean up this mess?" Za'kilah questioned The #Messenger (blessings!). The words of The #Messenger (blessings!) issued forth from the divine pie hole. "You may cut your hair and tie it to my staff, woman, and it shall be your toilet brush and broom. And you may cut the shredded gown on your body, which you brought from your father's household 15 moons ago, and it shall be the swab to wipe the floor with. Ask me no further questions, for the Great Rickrack Rock shall be your guide from this moment onwards."

And Za'kilah, obedient fifth wife of The #Messenger (blessings!) tore off her hair with her bare hands and tied it on the staff of the #Messenger, and fashioned a broom therefrom. And she tore from her body the shredded gown from her father's household, and used it as a swab.

And thereupon Za'kilah, fifth wife of The #Messenger (blessings!) proceeded to clean up the toilet bowls as she had been instructed.

And that is how it came to pass that the women of the tribe of The #Messenger (blessings!) clean the toilet bowls of their children with their hair tied to the staff of their husband on the fourteenth day of Za'karah, every year.

And thereafter the women of the tribe of The #Messenger (blessings!), and the women of the familes of #Believers (praises!) on the fourteenth day of Za'karah, every year, proceed to cut their gowns which they brought from their father's household 15 moons ago, and make it into a swab to wipe the floor.

And thereby, great benedictions are bestowed by the Great Rickrack Rock upon the children of these obedient women, and upon their husband's wealth, and upon their father's household, and peace and prosperity reigns upon the tribe of The #Messenger (blessings!).

And upon their enemies in the cursed land of B'azilah, the Great Rickrack Rock showers curses throughout the year, for they are not among the #Believers (praises!). The Bazillions (for by such name they are known in their ignominy) suffer the wrath of the Great Rickrack Rock, and they are afflicted with plagues and pestilences and neverending pennywise-poundfoolishness, for they are among the #Unguided.

And that is how it came to be that the Fourteenth Day of Za'karah is observed throughout the world by #Believers (praises!) as the festive day of Haggeth, which is a day of cleansing followed by feasting.

Praises and benedictions!

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