The Brave Pedestrian

Pressing my need into yours I gaze into your eyes Searching in their depths for an answer: a look that says, "Yes... you are deeply mine. We are One." But your eyes smile, and say instead, "This moment is ours. Journey on." And our limbs and our fingers intertwine comfortingly. Heaven is within us, palpable within the rhythm of our fluid molten flesh poised like an ocean wave about to break, waiting to descend like a thunderclap, a cry of migratory birds, a foretaste of eternal sleep. I have but to close my eyes, match my rhythm, submit to its oceanic will, let it take me, crush me into myself into itself into nothingness into allness. It is a breath waiting to be drawn. But I... I will not draw that breath. I gaze into your open eyes waiting for a fleeting affirmation of Oneness. I sense the moment slipping away from us. Your lids grow heavy, breathing quickens. A sigh, gasp, shudder. Molten flesh releases its heat. You ascend to your own private heaven. I gaze...

August 4, 2006: “Yaari hai imaan  Mera yaar meri zindagi…” “My love-friendship is my truth, My lover-friend is my entire life…” At 4 am, I am made awake by this somehow unquiet thought which wants to disturb me, and will not let me sleep. Lyrics have many meanings, and I find that a different lyric, with a distinctive meaning, plays in my head each day, depending on my mood, depending on who I am that day. (Because, my friends, I’m becoming increasingly aware that I awaken as a different person each day.) Today, this morning, this moment, I find myself with the thought that we are, all of us, like scorpions. Tender pulp inside, tough shell outside, and a venomous, lightning-swift stinger. The Pulp Inside We are tender, needy pulp inside, aching with the NEED to make contact with the pulp of others, to crush our pulp together, and see and hear and feel the pulp melt into one. To have sex, to make love, to understand, to be understood, to ...