PM Modi's "Spank Bharat" Abhiyan

On New Year's eve, Modi-ji will make a surprise announcement, ordering that every Indian should be publicly spanked by the police. Bhakts will be seen lining up with bare bottoms in front of police stations, and advising us that it is every Indian's patriotic duty to accept their spanking gracefully and gratefully, so that the corrupt black-money hoarders get a spanking.,width=300,height=300,appearanceId=2,version=1473664654/who-needs-a-spanking-men-s-premium-t-shirt.jpg
Every patriotic Indian must stand in line and accept a public spanking for the good of the nation.
"No other leader since Independence has had the great vision or the daring to spank the black-money hoarders," the bhakts will proclaim. "Surely, after this spanking, nobody will dare to accept bribes or hoard black money again," they will argue, telling all of us khangresis, sickulars and leftists to take our pants off.

After three days, our great prime minister will appear on television, shedding tears of joy and pride about how millions of Indians with reddened and bruised bottoms had so much faith in him. "My 56-inch chest swells with pride when I see so many 56-inch bottoms swelling with pain," he will say grandly, as the pantless crowd chants, "Modi! Modi! Modi!"

Many poor people, who only have 26-inch bottoms, will feel happy that people with 56-inch bottoms have been thrashed as soundly as they have been. What these poor people will fail to notice is that caning hurts a fat 56-inch bottom a lot less than it hurts a skin-and-bones 26-inch bottom. Poor people will gladly suffer fractured pelvises in the fond hopes that a few 56-inch bottoms received a thrashing.

Some people with names like Ambani and Adani will have coincidentally flown to London and New York at the time of the public spanking. But they will loudly hail our great visionary leader and publicly proclaim that they have, at least in spirit, gladly submitted to the spanking, and that India has at last been spiritually cleansed by this punishment.

All hail the dreams of Achche Din! All hail our visionary leader Modi! Long may he rule!

Krishnaraj Rao


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