The Brave Pedestrian

Preface:  I could quote scripture at many points in support of what I’m about to say, but I’m not going to. Why? Because deriving authority by quoting “holy books” is an effort to prevent people from arguing with you; I think it’s unfair.  I believe we’re never really comfortable until we have figured out, and put to rest, the riddle of our own mortality, which we experience like this: In our heads, we know that any one of us can die at any moment, ie. we are mortal. But in our heart of hearts, each of us thinks: it can’t happen to me ie. I am immortal. Each of us deals with this riddle or paradox in different ways. A few of us do it by never thinking about it, as though it’s unimportant or irrelevant. Many of us like to take on faith the views of death offered by our own religions, or other religions, or by a guru like Rajneesh. A few may modify these given views in little ways to suit their personal beliefs. I for one have dealt with the paradox...

June 7, 2006: It seems to me that there are two standards of moral judgement within all of us: one that applies to us and ours (ie.  apnon ke liye ) and another that applies to others (ie.  gairon ke liye ). None of us can claim to be above this sort of double-standard. The double-standard is exemplified by Vajpayeeji’s rather indulgent statements about being saddened by  l’affaire  Rahul Mahajan, and urging introspection. Would the honourable Past Prime Minister have been just “saddened”, and asked for introspection all around if the person concerned were, say, Rahul Gandhi instead? Or would he have been indignant instead, pointed to the poor moral fibre of the family and the political party involved, and asked for punishment to be meted out to those who committed the crime and those who sought to hush it up? There is some merit in thinking of Rahul Mahajan, Sahil Zaroo and others as unfortunate victims of their families’ lives in the fast lane. There wou...

NEWS FLASH!!! If you’re still looking for God, it’s because you believe God is what will fill up the gaps and holes in your life. If you know God is what is making your life  whole  despite the gaps and holes, you’ve probably found God already, and have no further reason to look. Of course, even after you’ve found God, you may keep trying to fill up the holes. That’s because you’re only human. However, you may stop praying for God to do the job for you. That’s because you realize that it doesn’t really,  really  matter whether the holes are filled up or not. But you know what? I find that not caring about the holes, and taking notice of what is whole in your life, shrinks up the holes really fast. When you’re no longer praying for stuff to put into your holes, and when you’re only praying in grateful recognition of whatever is whole in your life, the parts that are whole are nourished and grow, and the needy parts — the holes — diminish by not only losing imp...

May 26, 2006: Let me begin with a stanza from a poem that I wrote about 20 years ago. In dreams, in fevered dreams I seek The meaning of my days. In mists I grope, of shadows ask In swirling darkness hope to find The meaning of my fevered days. The light of day has left me blind. No, I don’t think this is superlative poetry. But to me, it is deeply meaningful, and it expresses the way I have lived my life. Specifically, it signifies a turning away from the light of everyday life, which blinds me to the more subtle truths. I reject the notion of normalcy, which society deems as sanity. I believe that true sanity is a spectrum that runs all the way from the well-lit pathways of everyday life to the greys and black of the strange, inexplicable  and perhaps even unjustifiable behaviour that all humans may be capable of, but only some of us permit ourselves. Once, many years ago, I remember telling my dad in the course of a discussion: “What seems normal to you...

May 27, 2006: I have arrived at my worldview after about twenty-two years of seeking, and quite a few visions and experiences of different sorts. I’m 40 years old, by the way. I have become convinced of one thing: Sleep is the same thing as death. Our lives are on twin tracks – the track of sleep/death, and the one that our conscious mind inhabits when we are awake. When alive, our conscious mind has a daily biological need to take a dip in the sea of our permanence. If we deprive ourselves of this need, it becomes so compelling that we may doze off even at the steering wheel, and become a danger to our lives! But after we have slept our fill, our conscious mind feels the urge to re-emerge into the “outside” world in which we live and work. This sort of straddling the twin tracks, or swinging of the pendulum, consitutes our lives. Our lives also have a bigger swinging of this pendulum. After we have been “in this world” for a sufficiently long time, we submit to the urge to r...

For me, Ganesha is there-yet-not-there. I don’t worship God in the form of Ganesha. I probably never will. Ganapati idols and pictures evoke no reverence or feelings of sanctity in me. And yet… and yet… This happened on 18th September 1998: Back then, I was fanatically regular about my daily morning swim, driving to a nearby club in my little green Maruti 800. Dad and Mom often accompanied me. That day, Dad was terribly busy and wouldn’t come. Neither would Mom. “Krish, won’t you stay home and help me out?” Dad pleaded. He isn’t someone who normally asks for help. He isn’t the sort of  guy who would ask me to cancel my swim, knowing how much it meant to me. But that day, he asked, he pleaded. “No, Dad… sorry. I can’t miss my swim.” Blunt refusal. Somewhere inside me, a little niggling voice was asking whether I was doing the right thing, but I brushed it aside. As I drove out of our neighbourhood, its narrow link to the highway was totally blocked, all du...